Finian L


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Apart

Finian Lowery

 

 

     “We are never going to get a divorce,” my mother said at the dinner table one night, promising my sister Isabella and myself love and security. To me, this conversation seemed to make sense, because my parents had been fighting a lot, and I had become a little scared of this possibility. But I had never taken myself seriously. However, that conversation only got me thinking more about it. However, it was something that I never wanted to be thinking about at the time, or ever.

 

     By early 2009, my worries had died down, only to be brought back up and prodded by the menagerie of marriage books around the house. The air seemed to be strained and tense, with Mom and Dad seeming even more and more different, not so happy and vibrant like usual. The topic of divorce wasn't brought up for quite awhile, but I could still tell, and feel, that something was amiss.

 

     “For a while now, well nearly ten years, things haven't been great in our marriage. And it is time to really do something for things to get better. We are not getting a divorce. We are trying a separation to give each other time away from each other, so our relationship will be stronger.” And so life as I knew it was shattered by the words my mother spoke. “We still love each one of you just as much as we always have, and you will be our priorities.” My father's words of comfort offered no comfort at all. Beacause the naked truth was that my dad would be moving out for a year, and no one saying “I love you” could change that.

 

     So my dad moved out, true to his words, into a small rental townhouse about five minutes away. Five minutes was quite a drastic change, as before he was two seconds away. His new rental house wasn't very big, nor too small. It didn't have very many very windows, so it was kind of dark and gloomy. I had a small room, but it didn't feel like my room. It was bare, without any of my stuff in it. I knew in my head it was mine, but it felt like a consolation prize.

 

     So life went on with my parents separated, and me feeling scared and afraid. Some days my dad would pick me up from school and take me home. It was always uncomfortable and awkward when he would drop me off at my house, and he would just drive off. It was shockingly different to be the child of essentially, though not technically, divorced parents. I slowly grew accustomed to my new life.

 

     My changed life continued like this, with not much changing until everything did, in January 2010. “So, as you might have guessed, we have gathered everyone here today, because mother and I are getting a divorce.” So it was officially true that my mother and father would be divorced. Now I realize that it really isn't the worst thing in the grand scheme of life, but when it happened, it sure felt like it.

 

     

     That night, my father left, and Jackson, Ashley, Isabella, Mom, and I went to see Avatar, trying to put what couldn't be put behind us, behind us. After that night, daily life remained largely the same as it was before the announcement, but it felt so much different.

 

     I would continue to live with my mom as I was before and would still be able to see my dad as much as I wanted. He was going to keep living in the rental townhouse until his lease expired,and then he wanted to buy a regular house. When he or my mother would ask me how I felt about the divorce or how I was holding up, I would nearly always respond with an “Umm, I don't know,” and a shoulder shrug, because I didn't want to deal with it. I realize now how I really did feel about it, which was angry and sad.

     

     True to his words, in April he bought a new house in Civano, which is about fifteen minutes away from my house. It has the newest technology and designs, very ecologically friendly and is pretty big. I have a room there to call mine, but it still doesn't feel like it's truly mine, because, really, it's truly not mine. However, I am trying to get used to this new life, and accept it for what it is. Now I realize that life actually does change.